Today I CHOOSE NOT to be offended

Warning this is a personal vent and its kinda long-----

Coming home to visit family always seems to make the wheels in my head just start to spin out of control. So much changes from visit to visit, it’s almost like I am watching life happen in fast forward. Not being around all the time makes me notice the little changes in people and places even more. As I absorb these changes it also takes me back to my sweet memories of the way things used to be. Its bittersweet really. My mind wonders off to the thoughts of “I wonder what it would be like if I lived here all the time,” “how would things be different,” “how would family relationships be different,” “how would I be different?”

I do often wonder what I would be like if we lived in Oregon. Everyone knows that the people and the environment we choose to place ourselves in impacts a part of who we are, whether intentional or not. Its so sad to leave my family after a visit but I at the same time I am dying to get back to my home and my life outside of all this-is that wrong?

At the age of 18 I left Oregon looking for something more, a bigger world outside of my town of 7,000 people, the person that I knew I could be if given the chance to grow on my own. I moved home for a few months 5 years later, only to quickly decide that Oregon was not the place for me once again, I made plans to leave and put the plan into action as quickly as possible. Something inside just didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong I LOVED being home for all the little moments, soccer games, t-ball season, basketball, karate, the Christmas program, the rodeo, I savored any moment like that I could. On my trips home now this seems to be what I fill my time with still. But it just wasn’t/isn't the same home that I remembered.

Some of my fondest memories as a child are centered around family activities. (I should clarify when I say family I mean my 14 aunts and uncles and my countless cousins) all the camping, boating, BBQs, holidays, birthdays, meat cutting, trips to the beach, parades, trips to the fire hall, sleepovers, Friday lunches at Grandma’s, babysitting, shopping, and so many more. But time changes this, as kids and people get older things just aren’t the same, priorities change. I see that in my own life, so I do understand that its harder for people to come together as a family very often.

However, some of the changes that I notice could be completely avoided if people just CHOOSE NOT to be offended. Really, if my brother and I can get over/passed our differences I believe anyone can----but they have to CHOOSE TO. It breaks my heart when I come home and there is so much drama and negativity amongst family members. Nothing is like I remember! And I find myself getting sucked into it, I have to pull back and make a very strong effort to not get drawn in, it will eat you alive if you aren’t careful.

We are all adults now (well almost all of us, a few cousins aren’t quite that old yet) and its so sad to think about all the bad feelings in our family. The grudges, oh mercy its horrible when I start to pull them out of the wood work, some go back 20 years or more! Really, people we can all grow up any day! Have you ever heard the saying “you can be the bigger person,” its such a true statement. Back in the day I remember how everyone used to get along, unless everyone was acting for the sake of the kids, its possible to let all of that go and you can have peace again! You can CHOOSE to NOT be offended, put your stubborn side way and be an example to all. Step 1-Open the lines of communication. That will lead you to your own step 2.

The whole reason for my trip put here was/is to spend time with my grandparents because honestly I never know when I am going to get that call saying I have to come home and its too late to say good bye. Plus, I want them to see their great grandchild, what an amazing gift. They get to witness another generation that is rooted from them! What a blessing it must be to know and see your good works come to life. They raised their children, to raise children to raise children, most of the time we don’t think of the “big” picture. I really wonder if in 10 years from now how many of my aunts and uncles will still actually talk to each other on a regular basis….if there will ever be time that draws them all together (other than a loss).

You never know how much time you have left with some, you never know when your last interaction could be the last time you see or speak to someone-CHOOSE to make them the best that you can, while you are still able. Let bygones be bygones and remember that you are all still a family that at one time would have done anything for each other (I KNOW the stories).

Its now in your hands, you can make the difference, you can choose to change for the sake of generations to come. Keep in mind that our children are all learning by example, are you treating your family the same way you want to be treated in the future?